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Archive for the ‘Whatever’ Category
Take Two of These and Call Me in the Morning
December 1st, 2009 
Rick Wow How Time Flies
November 24th, 2009 Rick 
Looking back, this week would always mark, at least for me, the beginning of the holiday season. As a child, I LOVED Thanksgiving. We would always go to my grandmothers house and have a big family day. From a big breakfast in the morning to a huge lunch at noon followed by a little football on TV and don’t forget the nap. It was great. A house full of family, food, and fun.
Then, before there was Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving meant a few things. First, NO SCHOOL, and secondly, we got to put up our Christmas tree. I say “WE” put up the Christmas tree, but actually my dad put it up and we watched. We never had a real tree growing up so our job was to put all the same size limbs, normally they were color coded, together in a pile so dad could put them up. Then we would help with the ornaments. It was wonderful. Not the tree. It was a six foot piece of junk, but what it symbolized to us kids was priceless. It meant in less than a month, Santa Clause would make his annual appearance. But what would he bring us? Well, that’s what we did for the rest of the weekend. My brother and I would sit down with the Sears Christmas Wish Book Catalog and dog ear page after page of toys we could only dream of getting. Then the unbelievably overwhelming anticipation began.
Fast forward almost 30 years and I’m ashamed of myself. Over the last few years I feel like I’ve lost sight of what was most important. I know this time of year everything becomes a little more hectic and with work, school, and all the responsibilities that go along with it, it’s hard. But I’ve done a lot of thinking lately. Is it because I’m getting older? Or maybe it has something to do with my dad getting diagnosed with cancer. Whatever the reason, I’ve realized that I’ve let my kids down. I’ve taken away from them the memories that I cherish the most. This year I’m going to try to make things different and though it may not come all at once, it’s a start. This year may not be the greatest Thanksgiving ever, but I hope it’s one my kids will remember.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I’m thankful for my wife, my kids, and my family. God has truly blessed me and my family with so much, from a wonderful home to a great job. But I think most of all, I’m thankful for second chances. God knows I’ve used more than my share.
So God bless each one you and your families and I hope you all have a great, and memorable, Thanksgiving.
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From the Mouth of Babes
November 14th, 2009 Rick Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind getting emails from people. Between work, friends and family, I get about 50 or 60 a day. My blackberry gets more work than Penicillin at a whorehouse. But do any of you have those friends that get a funny email that has been forwarded 900 times and then they send it to you …. without cleaning it up? It really doesn’t take but a few seconds to erase all the forwards and leave just the “meat” of the email. Kind of a pet peeve of mine. Or do any of you have a friend that has “Email Tourrettes”? You know what I mean. You get one or two emails a day from them, then all the sudden … “TITTIE-FACE, NIPPLE-NOSE, SHIT-BRICK”! They send 63 emails in one day. Just wondering if it was just me. Here’s a good one I got this week.
Why we love our children:
- Nudity – I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’
- Opinions – On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’
- Ketchup – A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’
- More Nudity – A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
- Police – It was the end of the day when an officer parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake was barking, and he saw a little boy staring in at him. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked. ‘It sure is,’ he replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’
- Dress Up – A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’ ‘And why not, darling?’ ‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’
- Death – While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn , and into the hole he goooes.’
- School – A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’
- Bible – A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. ‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out ‘What have you got there, dear? ‘With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’
Gotta love those little guys. Have a great weekend everyone!
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Say It Ain’t SO-SA
November 10th, 2009 Rick Could it be Vitiligo? Or maybe a tribute to Michael Jackson? He says no to both. Baseball’s super slugger Sammy Sosa was seen recently at the Latin Recording Academy Person of the Year Ceremony looking less like the old home run king and more like Darryl Strawberry on a Saturday night (shameless cocaine reference). Sosa denies bleaching his skin also. He is supposedly going through a skin rejuvenation process to combat his years of playing baseball in the sun. Apparently he wasn’t corking his bat with sun screen. Let’s just hope he’s gonna be ok. Here’s a before and after photo of Sosa, one from a few years back and one from last weekend.
Sosa Before
Sosa After
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Posted in Whatever, entertainment 
Tags: Sammy Sosa, Skin Bleaching, Skin Rejuvenation, Vitiligo 
No Comments »You like me … you really, really like me …
October 30th, 2009 Rick 
Yay me! I just got my first blog award. Why you say? Because I’m freakin’ awesome, that’s why. First, let me say thank you so much to Venti Vixen for giving me the award. I still find it hard to believe people actually read my nonsense. But thanks.
Here’s how this works. The rules state that I get to pass this along to 15 other newly discovered blogs that I love… Should any of you choose to accept this mission…post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the blogger to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
Here’s my 15 awards (in no certain order) ….
Cheesehead Displacement Syndrome
“Why?”, “How?”, and other Abstract Questions
Be sure to check these guys out. I really enjoy all of them.
Cover Your @$$!
October 27th, 2009 Rick 
Here’s a little something to think about. I wish I could take credit for this one, but it was given to me.
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well, and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, and never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred – Forgive.
Free your mind from worries – Most worries never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more. Expect less
NOW ……. Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:
When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
That “DOESN’T” Make Sense To Me
October 23rd, 2009 Rick 
I’m like everyone else. I have an opinion on just about everything. But I’m smart enough to know that it doesn’t always make me right. But that never stops me from telling everybody how I feel. But there a few things that have been bothering me. Things I just can’t understand. Maybe some of you can help me.
The first thing is sweet tea. I love sweet tea. Some of you not from the south may not understand, but it is what fuels us southerners. Sweet tea I understand. Unsweet tea …. not so much. Now I have what the doctors like to refer to as a little bit of a weight problem. So to cut back, I try unsweet tea sometimes and try to add just a little sugar to it. Here’s my problem. No matter how much sugar you add to unsweet tea, it NEVER becomes sweet tea. Why? How? You can add a cup of sugar to a glass of unsweet tea and it still taste like piss.
If you’ve read ANY of my posts, you know I am a HUGE football fan(not intended as a fat joke). I love football. But something has bothered me for years. Icing the kicker. What the heck? The kicker? The game is on the line and the one guy you want to “ice” is the kicker? Sitting on the bench playing Dungeon and Dragons with the punter hasn’t “iced” him enough. If the dude gets any colder he’d be dead. Here’s an idea, ice the other teams quarterback. If you had stopped him, chances are you wouldn’t need your freakin’ kicker to bail you out.
And finally, the show Murder She Wrote. Is it just me ore does anyone else think Angela Lansbury is a serial killer. Come on! Nobody is that unlucky. Everywhere that woman goes … some poor smuck dies. Wake up people. Here’s an idea. Stop inviting that old bat to dinner and maybe all your friends will stop dying.
Well, I’ll stop complaining for now. My beautiful wife and I have a weekend with no kids. I am really looking forward to spending time with her. She really is the greatest woman I know and I love her with all my heart. Why she is with me, I have no clue. I hope all of you have a great weekend too.
Did I Miss Something?
October 15th, 2009 Rick I’m sitting watching a football game (shut up, I know football consumes me in the fall) and a commercial came on that confused me. Why am I watching commercials? Usually I’ll pause live TV and waste about fifteen minutes doing whatever so I can fast forward through the commercials, but I didn’t do it this time. The commercial was for the ED drug Cialis. Now I understand what the drug is for…… but why are they sitting in bathtubs …… outside? I don’t get it. Because apparently nothing says shooting pool with a rope like outdoor plumbing.
And the side effects are crazy. Hearing loss ….”she said NO!“. Loss of vision ….”That’s a huge bit….”. Back and muscle pain …. you’re 70 years old and you are having sex … EVERYTHING should hurt. You’re lucky if you don’t break a hip. Runny nose …. I’m not even going there. Call a doctor if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours ….. I’m calling EVERYBODY if my erection lasts longer than 4 hours. And I think possibly the craziest thing, and I quote, “Cialis does not serve as a male form of birth control“. Really? Maybe they should look into adding birth control ingredients to it though. If you seriously thought your chubby juice would keep you from slipping one past the goalie, then maybe you shouldn’t reproduce anymore. The official Cialis website also says “Drinking too much alcohol can increase your chances of getting a headache or getting dizzy, increasing your heart rate, or lowering your blood pressure” or lowering your ability to keep your pants on and NOT lay in the front yard screaming “Ask me what time it is…. I’m a sun dial!”
What Were You Thinking?
October 12th, 2009 Rick 
I’m no high paid “Television Executive”, but I think you screwed up ABC. Just as I’m getting into two of your new programs, you, in all your infinite wisdom, decide to move them to a new night and time. No big deal you say? Yes it is a big deal, because the new night and times already host some of my other favorite shows. DVR them you say? I can only DVR two programs at one time. Which means the third show is out of luck.
It is only about three weeks into the fall season, so I haven’t gotten too attached to the new shows yet, but that’s not the point. The point is, I don’t understand the mentality behind attempting to fix something that isn’t broken. ABC is already the Chicago of the Olympic Cities. Are you trying to drive away the handful of viewers you have left? Apparently ABC stands for All But Closed. Do you NOT want people to watch your network ABC? You are already a distant fourth to FOX, CBS, and NBC. Seems like to me, you would place shows in time slots that would give them the best chance for success, not up against powerhouses like GLEE, LAW & ORDER, CRIMINAL MINDS, BONES, COMMUNITY, PARKS AND RECREATION, and SURVIVOR: DETRIOT SAMOA. What’s wrong with Monday? Do we need 2 hours of Dancing With the Stars? Do we really need 1 hour for that matter? What about Tuesday night? I’m pretty sure you could beat The Biggest Loser. I can’t even watch that show. First of all, if that Jillian yelled at me like that, I’d punch her right in the fun bags. Second, there’s something about watching fat people run on a treadmill while I sit in my recliner and eat snacks, makes me feel guilty. Friday night? Saturday night? Pretty much any night BUT Wednesday or Thursday. The only two nights of the week your shows are doomed to fail, just happens to be the two nights you pick? Was there some kind of Board meeting? Was there a vote? A vote of the Norwegian Parliament? You basically had a 5 out of 7 chance. That’s a 70% chance that you would pick one of the best nights for Nielsen ratings domination. Way to go eggheads. You missed.
I guess I just needed to vent. I’m not saying I’m a die hard Flash Forward fan already, but I would like to see what the heck that stupid kangaroo had to do with the plot. And I want to know if Kumar actually dies or avoids his own death. Now I may never know. And the new show Modern Family was really funny. And it kinda felt like a Married with Children Reunion on my DVR every week. With Ed O’Neil starring in Modern Family and Katey Sagal starring in Sons of Anarchy, it just feels right. Since I’m on the subject, 1989 Katey Sagal vs. 2009 Katey Sagal? And the winner is …. 2009 Katey Sagal. Twenty years plus copious amounts of skin tight leather = SMOKING HOT. You know what they say, “The older the berry the sweeter the ….. 
Ok, I got distracted and off the subject. My point is, ABC, you’ll never catch up to the other networks until …. well, until you hire me, pay me millions, and allow me to make these type decisions for you. Because let’s face it, you are obviously not capable of handling these things yourself. So call me before the CW makes you their …. well, you know.
