Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind getting emails from people. Between work, friends and family, I get about 50 or 60 a day. My blackberry gets more work than Penicillin at a whorehouse. But do any of you have those friends that get a funny email that has been forwarded 900 times and then they send it to you …. without cleaning it up? It really doesn’t take but a few seconds to erase all the forwards and leave just the “meat” of the email. Kind of a pet peeve of mine. Or do any of you have a friend that has “Email Tourrettes”? You know what I mean. You get one or two emails a day from them, then all the sudden … “TITTIE-FACE, NIPPLE-NOSE, SHIT-BRICK”! They send 63 emails in one day. Just wondering if it was just me. Here’s a good one I got this week.

Why we love our children:

1. Nudity – I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’
2. Opinions – On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’
3. Ketchup – A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’
4. More Nudity – A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’
5. Police – It was the end of the day when an officer parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake was barking, and he saw a little boy staring in at him. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked. ‘It sure is,’ he replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’
6. Dress Up – A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.’ ‘And why not, darling?’ ‘You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’
7. Death – While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn , and into the hole he goooes.’
8. School – A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’
9. Bible – A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. ‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out ‘What have you got there, dear? ‘With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

Gotta love those little guys. Have a great weekend everyone!

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