Happy Sunday everybody. I hope your weekend has went well. Just the other day at work, I went to walk someone into the bay at the fire station. Sounds completely boring and uneventful …. right? Wrong. As I walked in front of the station, taking the short cut in between the bushes and the flag pole, you guessed it. I walked straight through a“BIG-A” spider web. Now I’m not talking about one of those little teeny-tiny sissy string webs. I’m talking about one of those “I just knocked over a quickie mart, car jacked a city bus, and slapped that old winch aunt May in the mouth and spider man’s pissed” kinda webs. Notwithstanding the fact that I am DEATHLY AFRAID OF SPIDERS, I tried to continue walking and act like nothing had happened…..but then it hit me. You know what I’m talking about, that, “holy crap that little 8-legged ninja of nasty is somewhere on me” feeling set in. So I spin around doing the “vertical seizure, somebody please get it off me” dance. Kinda emasculating.

All this got me to thinking. Now, I’m not one to question God, and I know he has a master plan and design for all things, but I think I found a flaw. Spiderwebs should be a bright color. A bright color like hot pink maybe. Then, when you walk around a corner, you can see it. You can duck or walk around it. Trap, embarrassment, and I think I just pee’d a couple drops, avoided. I can hear you saying, “but all the insects could avoid it too and the spiders would starve”. I thought of that too. God could make all insects colorblind. They aren’t the smartest creations anyways. Let’s face it, they are almost at the bottom of the food chain, and as far as brains go, they land somewhere between roast beef and Paris Hilton. Taking the ability to see color, assuming they can already, would not be that devastating to them. Hot pink spiderwebs would make it so everybody could see them except the insects they were designed to trap. Problem solved. I’m just sayin‘.

Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2010

Ok, I know it’s kinda late this Sunday and I apologize but it’s been quite a week. If you’ve read any of my other posts from this week, then you know I’ve had a computer virus. I really don’t understand why someone would do this. What enjoyment would someone receive from unleashing the fruits of their dorky loins upon an unknowing public? I’m just sayin‘.

Ok, here we go with the first in my series of I’m Just Sayin‘ Sunday. While watching the evening news, I saw a commercial for an upcoming interview on a journalistic news show. Dateline NBC I think. Anyway, it was promoting the first interview with Richard Hatch since his release from prison.

Come on. You remember Richard Hatch. He was the openly gay fat guy from the first season of Survivor. You know, the one that liked to run around naked. {SIDEBAR- The difference between nude and naked. Nude, you have no clothes on. Naked, you have no clothes on and you’re up to something.} Remember now? How could you forget an overweight gay guy running around naked named Richard Hatch (DICK HATCH)? I’m just sayin‘.

So anyway, he won the dang show. He said it was because he was some kind of trainer and that gave him an advantage. I think it had something to do with him doing challenges in the nude. {SIDEBAR – When you wrestle with a naked man…..nobody wins.} He won $1 million. Then he got busted for not paying taxes on the million. He said he thought the producers handled it. HAHAHA! So he gets sentenced to 51 months in federal prison. Really? That was his punishment? Prison? Let me get this straight right. To punish an openly gay man that loves to be naked, you send him to prison. Isn’t that like sending a kid to a toy store with a blank check? A woman to a mall with a new credit card? A man to a strip club with a fist full of twenties? They should have sent him to a woman’s prison. Imagine hundreds of woman confined to the same area. Every week would be somebody’s “week”. That would be real punishment. I’m just sayin‘.