Happy Sunday everybody. I hope your weekend has went well. Just the other day at work, I went to walk someone into the bay at the fire station. Sounds completely boring and uneventful …. right? Wrong. As I walked in front of the station, taking the short cut in between the bushes and the flag pole, you guessed it. I walked straight through a“BIG-A” spider web. Now I’m not talking about one of those little teeny-tiny sissy string webs. I’m talking about one of those “I just knocked over a quickie mart, car jacked a city bus, and slapped that old winch aunt May in the mouth and spider man’s pissed” kinda webs. Notwithstanding the fact that I am DEATHLY AFRAID OF SPIDERS, I tried to continue walking and act like nothing had happened…..but then it hit me. You know what I’m talking about, that, “holy crap that little 8-legged ninja of nasty is somewhere on me” feeling set in. So I spin around doing the “vertical seizure, somebody please get it off me” dance. Kinda emasculating.

All this got me to thinking. Now, I’m not one to question God, and I know he has a master plan and design for all things, but I think I found a flaw. Spiderwebs should be a bright color. A bright color like hot pink maybe. Then, when you walk around a corner, you can see it. You can duck or walk around it. Trap, embarrassment, and I think I just pee’d a couple drops, avoided. I can hear you saying, “but all the insects could avoid it too and the spiders would starve”. I thought of that too. God could make all insects colorblind. They aren’t the smartest creations anyways. Let’s face it, they are almost at the bottom of the food chain, and as far as brains go, they land somewhere between roast beef and Paris Hilton. Taking the ability to see color, assuming they can already, would not be that devastating to them. Hot pink spiderwebs would make it so everybody could see them except the insects they were designed to trap. Problem solved. I’m just sayin‘.

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